This time of year can be brutal. Normality suspends whilst you are put into all sorts of extreme situations. My ‘normality’ stopped well into December, when I was busying myself with visiting friends, cranking out work at an alarming rate, feeding on food stuffs that aren’t exactly ideal. Then with a resounding thump, Christmas Day landed on my doorstep.
As I walked Josey down the street to our favourite walkies place, I could see the Christmas trees in the big windows of my neighbours’ homes, lit up, inviting, waiting for a families to settle around them. My family are all clustered over there in the states. This year, I decided to expand the definition of ‘family’ and brought my friends into that category.
That afternoon I enjoyed good company and good food with a great bunch of people. Even when I came back home to my dark, quiet flat, I could still feel the warmth of the day surrounding me. I want more of this.
After Christmas you are then faced with New Years and hours of excruciating reflection on the past year and hopes for the new. You pick yourself apart, your life apart, think about what you want less of and more of. This time of year forces you to look yourself in the face full on and see the imperfections but also see all the beautiful things that you should be thankful for.
Sometimes it seems that this time of year is the most difficult to survive, however, it is necessary to stop. Just stop. Look at yourself. Look at your life. What are you living for? You pick it to pieces, examine the bits that amount to your existance…and then what? You decide. And then you step forward with purpose into your brand new shiny batch of months.
What have I decided for myself? I have decided that relationships are key. I have decided to also pare back down to basics and to not put incredible pressure on myself with a zillion things to accomplish this year. My first priority is to find a teaching job, followed close by keeping my work and contacts in the galleries up-to-date and happy with my output. I’m thankful for the commissions I have already scheduled in for the year as this will feed my need to create and make me feel very much like me. Once the teaching job gets fixed into place and I feel like I have room for something more, I will move forward with my next big project.
And just in a couple days, I turn into a new year of me. I’m hoping for much less of the bad kind of drama in my 35th year.