This is one I made at home. Instructables have very easy instructions on how to cook up your own batch. This is in preparation for L’s birthday party. Today has already been a success and today I think parenthood is cake. Or playdough, rather.
Yesterday was the flip side of parenthood. It was shit. It was a button pushing, tantrum inducing, tears in public kind of day. It was the third time of L insisting on not following the song circle rules and instead striking yoga (or breakdancing) poses when she should’ve been sitting, clapping, making the spider go up the spout. This was also my one day to connect with my parent pals and again, I missed out on that much needed network.
For those of you that know anything about me, you know I adore L. She brings with her boundless joy but also such extreme frustration I can hardly be in the same room with her.
The impossibility of my situation, the going this alone-ness, is something I’d never envisioned. There are no ‘can you please just watch her whilst I scream into a pillow for five minutes’ or quick ten minute walks to regain balance. Day after day after weekend after weekend the same the same the same.
And then attempting my own life and creative practice whilst feeling spent on other things. So. I am now attempting to remedy a situation that isn’t working for me. My person has an allergic reaction to asking for help, but I’ve caved and am making requests of my very small support network, made even smaller by the fact I don’t have family on this side of the pond.
It has been suggested that perhaps I go back home (to The States) but I receive that with much confusion. THIS is my home and in all honesty, I feel that Edinburgh is the best springboard for L to jump into life. Cultural. Educational. Life style. It will open up so many possibilities.
So. Today I made playdough. Big deal. It was for me.